Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
All I want is dick and wine.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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