Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
