We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
