No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
