The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
