so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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