I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
