stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
