The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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