Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
