he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
