Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
