How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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