if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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