her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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