Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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