..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
