One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
