it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
