you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
