Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
