The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
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