I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
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