i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Randomize
