just tell him i said nine months
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
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