Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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