are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
