She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
