So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I fill condoms, not promises.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
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