so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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