Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Hippo gnu deer
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
