I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I want her autograph on my taint
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Randomize
