That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
