I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize