Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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