dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize