How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
