She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
