Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Hello my rib-scented angel!
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
