Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
