We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
