So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
