I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
