The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
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