if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
