Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
