YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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