It's like God shit irony all over that family
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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