i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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