I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
