No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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