I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
