I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
