Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
