The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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