i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
