Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
