dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
