I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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