if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
