Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Rumble strips road head = magical
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
