Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
