I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
