Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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