i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
