I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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