I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Randomize
