Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
