I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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