Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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