i just wanna soil my oats bro
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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